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Wonderful Speech of a Hen
 [1749-Apr] "Wonderful Speech of a Hen," Gentleman's Magazine 19 (1749 Apr): 147-148; Online at Animal Rights History, 2003; Google Books: Online Library of Free eBooks.
0 that some good christian would cause this my first and last speech to be printed, and published thro' the nation. Perhaps the legislature may not think it beneath them to take our sad case into consideration.
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A Strange and wonderful Relation of a HEN that spoke at a certain ancient Borough in Staffordshire: On the 7th of Feb. being Shrove Tuesday; together with her dying Speech.
AN hen, which was the property of a great lubberly fellow of the town, was set up (as usual on this day) to be thrown at by himself and others, marry'd men as well as batchelors. This poor hen, after many a severe bang, and many a broken bone, weltering in mire and blood, recovered spirits a little, and to the unspeakable surprise and astonishment of all the company, just as her late master was handling his oaken cudgel to fling at her again, opened her mouth and said.
"Hold thy hand a moment, hard–hearted wretch ! if it be but out of curiosity, to hear one of my feather'd species utter articulate sounds—What art thou, or any of thy comerades, better than I, tho' bigger, and stronger, and at liberty while I am ty'd by the leg? What art thou, I say, that I may not presume to reason with thee, tho' thou never reasonest with thyself? I appeal to thyself, who has known me for many months, What have I done to deserve the treatment I have suffer'd this day, from thee and thy barbarous companions? What have I ever said or done amiss? Whom have I ever injur'd? Did I ever profane the name of my creator? Or give one moment's disquiet to any creature under heaven? or lie, or deceive, or slander, or rob my fellow creatures? Did I ever guzzle down, what should have been for the support and comfort (in effect the blood) of a wife and innocent children, till I spued and went mad; as thou dost every week of thy life? A little of thy superfluous grain, or the sweeping of thy cup board, and the parings of thy cheese, moisten'd with the dew of heaven, was all I had, or desir'd for my support; while, in return I furnish'd thy table with dainties. The tender brood, which I hatch'd with assiduity, and all the anxiety and solicitude of any human mother, fell a sacrifice to thy gluttony. My new laid eggs enrich'd thy pancakes, puddings and custards; and all thy most delicious fare. And I was ready myself, at any time, to lay down my life to support thine, but the third part of a day. Had I been a man, and a hangman, and commanded by authority to take away thy life for a crime that deserv'd death; I would have perform'd my office with reluctance, and with the shortest, and the least pain or insult, to thee possible: How much more if a wife providence had so order'd it, that thou hadst been my proper and delicious food, as I am thine? I speak not this to move thy compassion, who hast none for thy own offspring, or for the wife of thy bosom, nor to prolong my own life, which thro' thy most brutal usage of me, is become not only past recovery, but really a burden to me; nor yet to teach thee more humanity for the future. I know thee to be long since lost to all sentiments or dictates, but those of lawless lust; to have neither a head, a heart, nor a hand to show mercy; neither brains, nor bowels, nor grace, to hearken to reason, or to refrain thee from any folly. I appeal from thy cruel and relentless heart to a future judgment; certainly there will be one sometime, when the meanest creature of God shall have justice done it, even against proud and savage MAN, its lord. And sure our cause will then be heard, since, at present, we have none to judge betwixt us. 0 that some good christian would cause this my first and last speech to be printed, and published thro' the nation. Perhaps the legislature may not think it beneath them to take our sad case into consideration. Are we not, and have we not been time out of mind, as peaceable and loyal subjects as any in the king's dominions? Much more so than many thousands of our betters; and as disinterestedly at least, if I not as greatly useful to the publick, as any other creature that goes upon two legs. Or if the government (taken up with great affairs of the nation) should think poultry below their regard; who can tell but some faint remains of common sense among the vulgar themselves, may be excited by a suffering dying fellow creature's last words, to find out a more good-natured exercise for their youth, and idle fellows, at this holy season, which tends not to harden their hearts, and taint their morals?—But I find myself quite spent with speaking. And now villain, take good aim, let fly thy truncheon, and dispatch at one manly stroke, the remaining life of a miserable mortal, who is utterly unable to resist or fly from thee."
But alas ! He needed not.—She sunk down, and dy'd immediately, without another blow.
Reader farewell, but learn some compassion towards an innocent creature, that has, at least, as quick a sense of pain as thyself, whatever it has of Justice, Mercy and Truth.
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