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 [Thomas Taylor], A Vindication of the Rights of Brutes
(London, 1792; Gainesville, Florida: Scholars' Facsimiles & Reprints, 1966; Online at Animal Rights History, 2003).
Chap. VI
On the Importance of understanding the Language of Brutes,
and restoring them to their natural equality with mankind.
BUT it is now time to consider the importance of learning the language of brutes; for it is already evident from Porphyry, that they have a language of their own, and that it may be understood by mankind. In order therefore to accomplish this design in the most perfect manner, I shall produce a variety of curious histories of brutal sagacity, from the writings of Plutarch; and shew how mankind may be benefited by associating with brutes, as on a level with themselves.
And that I may first of all please the ladies, I shall begin with the elephant, a beast by nature very amorous; and from his prodigious size, very well calculated to become the darling of our modern virgins, who having wisely laid aside the foolish veils of antiquity, and have assumed greater boldness, are seldom intimidated at any thing uncommonly large. Plutarch then, in that treatise of his, in which he contracts the sagacity of land animals, with that of the aquatic species, observes, concerning the amours of brutes, that some are furious and mad; but that others observe a kind of human decency, united with a very courtly kind of conversation.
Such (says he) was the amour of the elephant at Alexandria, that rivaled Aristophanes the grammarian. For they were both in love with a virgin that sold garlands : nor was the elephant's courtship less conspicuous than the grammarian's. For as he passed through the fruit-market, he always brought her apples, and stayed with her for some time: and besides this, thrusting his proboscis within her waistcoat, as a substitute for a hand, took great delight in gently feeling her breasts."
From this instance, it may be fairly concluded, that if elephants were to associate with ladies in common (each at the same time understanding the other's language) great and unexampled gallantries would take place on each side, and a mixt kind of species would be produced, in which the enchanting elegance of woman would be united with the prodigious strength and terrific bulk of the elephant.
No less charming, likewise, would be the advantages arising from an association of the fair sex with dragons, as in evident from the History of the Dragon, who was in love with an Etolian woman. For he used (says Plutarch) to visit her in the night, and creeping under her garments to her very skin, embraced her naked body; and never, either voluntarily or involuntarily, injured her, but always departed very gallantly about break of day, but the relations of the woman observing that this was the custom of the dragon, removed her to a considerable distance from this amorous spot. After this the dragon was not seen for the space of three or four days; being all this time, as it seemed, wandering in search of her. But a length having with great difficulty found out the place of her abode, he accosted her somewhat less gallant and gentle than before; and with the folds of his body, having first bound her hands and arms, he lashed the calves of her legs, with the end of his tail; expressing by this means a gentle and loving anger, which contained more of indulgent expostulation than punishment.
Plutarch adds, that he shall say nothing respecting a goose in Egypt in love with a boy; nor of the ram in love with Glauce that played on the harp, because, (says he) the story is well known to every one. Indeed the instances already adduced are sufficient to convince the sagacious reader, that prodigious benefits must arise from the mutual converse and copulation of species, which have hitherto been considered as unallied and inimical to each other.
And here I cannot refrain from mentioning a most singular advantage, which would arise from an association with dogs, when their language is perfectly understood by us; the advantage I allude to, respects a thing of no less importance than the instruction of youth in one of the most interesting particulars belonging to juvenile tuition. Every one knows how universally prevalent the practice of self-pollution is become amongst children; and how dreadful its consequences are in debilitating the constitution, and corrupting the morals of the unhappy youths who are the votaries of this detestable vice. Now that extraordinary genius, Mrs. Wollstonecraft, proposes the following remedy for this pernicious practice, in that great work of hers ,called, Elements of Morality for Children*:—"I am thoroughly persuaded (says she) that the most efficacious method to root out this dreadful evil, which poisons the source of humane happiness, would be to speak to children of the organs of generation as freely as we speak of the other parts of the body, and explain to them the noble use, which they were designed for, and how they may be injured." She adds, "I have conversed with the most sensible schoolmasters on this subject, and they have confirmed me in my opinion." This plan is beyond all doubt a most striking proof of her uncommon capacity, and the truth of her grand theory, the equality of the female nature with the male; for whoever considers this affair with the attention it deserves ,must be convinced, that if children were but told how the genital parts may be injured, and how they are to be employed in a natural way, they would not have the least curiosity to make any experiments, which might tend to frustrate the benevolent intention of nature.
But however great and original this thought may be, yet it would certainly be very much improved by committing the instruction of youth in this particular to dogs; for these sagacious animals, all of whom appear to be Cynic philosophers, would not only be very well calculated to explain the noble use for which the parts were designed, but would be very willing, at any time, and in any place, to give them specimens of the operation of the parts in a natural way. Not to mention, that they would likewise teach them how to get above those foolish habits, decency and shame, which false opinion first introduced, and ridiculous custom afterwards has so deeply confirmed.
But we must not yet dismiss the elephant; since it appears that these wonderful animals are no less calculated to act the part of surgeons, than to please the fair. "For being brought (says Plutach) to persons that are wounded, they will extract the heads of spears and arrows from their bodies, with a very small degree of pain, and without dilacerating and mangling the flesh." Now the advantages which would result to apothecaries and physicians, from entering into partnership with these animals, are so important, that they will doubtless be greedily embraces by all the medical tribe. For in the first place, with respect to apothecaries, it is well known, that they are obliged to act in the double capacity of physicians and surgeons, which causes their employment to be very laborious, especially to those of the lowest class, who belong to the order of the foot. For these gentlemen are divided into three tribes, the first and highest consisting of those who sublimely ride to their patients in chariots, without footmen; the second, of those who ride to the sick on horseback; and the third tribe, which is by far the most numerous, being composed of those who visit their patients on foot; an who in wet weather arm themselves with a great coat an umbrella; and in fine, with a fashionable cane. Now these gentleman, by speaking to the elephant, and persuading these noble animals to become their partners, would derive the following amazing advantages from such an association; for they might ride on the backs of their elephants, and might commit the whole surgical department to the entire management of these bulky beasts; not to mention, that as the weight of one man must be very inconsiderable to an elephant, they might with ease carry all sorts of remedies upon the backs of their associates ,and thus save a prodigious deal of time, trouble and expence by administering medicines on the spot.
And in the second place, as to physicians, riding on the elephant would save them the expence of a carriage; and this beast being so remarkable strong, they might easily have a large chest fastened to his back, for the purpose of depositing their fees, which at present, in consequence of being secured in their waist-coast pockets, they find very troublesome, from their quantity and weight.
But the elephant is not the only beast with which the medical tribe might associate, to great advantage; for many other animals are as capable of forming great physicians, as elephants are of becoming incomparable surgeons. "For we may observe (says Plutarch) in other animals, a three-fold innate practice of medicine. Thus, for instance, tortoises make use of basil, and weasels eat rice, when they have devoured a serpent; and dogs purge themselves from abounding bile, with a particular kind of grass; the dragon sharpens the dimness of his sight with fennel and the bear, when she leaves her cave, after long emaciation, fees upon the herb called wild dragons; because the acrimony of this herb opens and separate her intestines, when they are clung together. At other times, when satiated with food, she repairs to the emmet-hills, and thrusting out her tongue, all soft and unctuous, through the seek kind of slime with which it is inveloped, till it is crowded with emmets, when at length swallows them, and thus recovers her health: and it is reported, that the Egyptians observe and imitate the bird called Ibis, in purging and cleansing her bowels with the briny water of the sea. Hence the priests, when they purity themselves, make use of the water of which the Ibis has drank; for these birds will not drink the water, if it be medicinal, or otherwise infected. There are likewise some beasts that cure themselves by abstinence, as wolves and lions, who, when they are over-gorged with animal food, lie still, and digest their crudities by the warmth on one another's bodies."
Now as there is no reason whatever to doubt the truth of these relations, such specimens of medical still must convince the most incredulous, that when these animals are tamed through their association with mankind, we may expect to see physicians equal to the most illustrious among men, in the persons of bears, dragons and weasels; and till all distinctions among mankind are levelled, (an event which is to be hoped will shortly happen) I do not see why an elephant may not become the king's principal surgeon, and a bear his physician in ordinary, as soon as the language of beasts is universally known, or at lest understood, by the principal person at court.
Footnotes
* Page 14 of the Introductory Address.
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